Kevin

Today my heart is filled with love for the woman that God is preparing me to live and serve alongside.  It's as if my heart is experiencing the next level, it is.  She is even more beautiful than I've ever known before.  And the part that blows me away, is that I cannot see her, touch her, smell her, hear her, speak to her-and yet, I can in a way.  It reminds me of my relationship with God...  Her words poured directly into my heart as I read them.  She moves me to tears.  Beautiful.

This morning I wake up being reminded of God's grace which He freely pours out over us and me in the midst of our sin.  Today I am going to Jesus and receiving a robe as white as snow in exchange for the one I've been wearing stained in the blood of my sin.  It is like wearing a brand new outfit that you just bought, which is exciting-except this one, Jesus paid for.  I am going to live today in a mindset of a new outfit and live in the freedom of Christ.  Holy Spirit guide me to honor The Father in my thoughts today.

Holy Spirit-I pray that you would guide me today in a way that honors the Father and the Son.  I pray that today I would be filled with The Holy Spirit and that would be evident to those around me.  May the Spirit make me sensitive to ways that I can serve and love people today.  Holy Spirit lead me today.  I will follow.

Today God has affirmed the gift He has given me in leading people to worship God through music.  Many people today also spoke of it being a gift and that God is truly using me to draw people to Him.  I will look to use this gift and glorify Him through it.  Praise God! 

God has been teaching me a lot about focusing in on a goal and realizing what steps its going to take to get there without being constantly distracted.  I have been in an awesome conversation each day this week letting people know what Brandy and I are doing which has been a great reminder of the end goal.  If I forget that this time apart is so that we can heal and grow and allow God to work in our lives in ways that might not happen outside of this time, then it makes me want to just call her and be with her.  Praise God that He is reminding me daily that He has more work to do in my life and even when I don't feel or see it, I must remember it.  God I pray that you would do the same in Brandy.  I am so thankful for this unique time in my life.  Yesterday Karen said some of the most encouraging words for this time period.  She said, "How many people do you know that get to pray for their future spouse for six months before they get married.  That's the best pre-marital counseling you could ever ask for."  Thank you Father for those words.  Father you know my desire... I pray that it lines up with your will.  If not, then please reveal that to me.  I will seek you first.

Father I pray that this space can be a place where I can come daily and display my heart by taking thoughts and emotions to keys and watching them be reflected to myself through this screen.

This week has been one of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time...  Brandy and I have decided to take 6 months apart from each other, like a fast, in order to heal and grow.  Praise God that I have been learning and growing so much through this time.  This week she is in town.  I know this because it is her spring break and she spent time with my parents on monday.  As a result I have just felt sad that I can't see her or talk to her.  Well, it's not that I can't, but that I am willfully choosing not to.  It doesn't really make sense to everybody which I was reminded of when I talked with my parents about it again a few days before they saw Brandy.  My personality tends to go after things that I want, which is kind of a double edged sword.  I am learning and growing in finding a balance to having that same sense of adventure while also displaying some self control and patience.  I MISS HER SO MUCH!  Sneaky little me was able to remember her blog site and so I can still check up on her through that.  I know she doesn't mention much about me probably because she knows that I could look at it.  She is so brilliant.  It's crazy, as I read her writing (which is more amazing than any writing I've ever read) I can hear her sweet, confident, best reader ever voice speaking the words.  I can close my eyes at times and it is actually like I am with her.  She continues to blow me away when I hear her write about her faith and the way she connects with her Father.  I am constantly thinking of her and praying for her.  The roots of my love for her are growing deeper with each day that passes.  I love you Brandy and I miss you.  I pray that your heart is healing and that you are growing in ways as a result of this time.  Even though we are apart, I feel close.  My heart longs for you.  I have been praying and being honest with God about how much I long to be with you and think about you and am letting Him know that I do not want to idolize you or put you in front of Him.  The hardest part is telling Him how I desire to marry you, but also letting Him know that if my desires or our desires are not lining up with His that He would reveal that to us.  Even though I cannot see you with my eyes, you seem to be more and more beautiful each day...  May my love be heard miles away.

So here's my one entry of the year...I also logged on to AIM today so maybe I will do this stuff during the school year...I guess we'll have to wait and see. So I decided to log on this morning and read a few of the entries posted in the last few days and then I got to Julia's. Wow! The whole idea of softening someone's heart in order to allow them to worship God more freely...Reading that immediately had me sitting here at my desk crying tears of joy as Julia poured out love and encouragement straight to the heart of so many! I absolutely loved it. I love how transparent and loving she was in her entry and was truly blessed as a result. I love how God is using people like Julia to build up the Body of Christ. I had the opportunity yesterday to tell this girl at the lake about my job and told her how it is such a blessing to me and that God uses this youth group and students to teach me so much about what it's like to be a believer and worship Him with my life. I'm not sure why He chose me but man am I thankful. I am very excited about this next school year and the whole idea of simplifying... I want to spend time with you guys more on personal levels, smaller group settings. Don't get me wrong I love the big group stuff, but I really get to know someone when it's just me and them or a few and we really get to talk... Anyway, I'm about to go to lunch with McKee who I recently realized is an amazing man of God. I am excited b/c it's just me and him and we can talk. I love how God works through and in us! I love love! Praise God for His love! I am now recovering from my tears with a small sniffle left to fight, but totally excited about what God has in store for today!

Hey everyone! It's me Kevin...remember...I almost couldn't get in to my live journal account because it was covered in dust and cobwebs! :) Man it is so encouraging to read some of your entries. Especially the personal ones. I feel like this LJ thing is a great way to get to know people and what they are going through as long as they are willing to be real. So praise God for all of you that are sharing your hearts on this thing! Here is my heart this morning-I love the Lord so much and He loves me so much, but I just haven't been hanging out with Him very much in the past week or so. Every now and then I have an experience where I am intimate with Him and then I realize how distant I have been on a daily basis. It takes a lot for me to get on my knees each day, on my own with no one watching, to just talk with my Father. Reading the Word is so awesome but I can really tell when my heart is not in it. so I guess for me right now I am yearning to be in God's presence. God has me in a unique place right now in terms of relationships. There is almost a lack of intimacy in them with people on a regular basis...I no longer live with my parents so there is not much intimacy there, I no longer live with any roomates, and I am not married. This automatically leaves me with a need to be intimate with someone and that someone is God. Which I'm sure He has set it up this way for me, I just struggle to maintain that regular intimacy with Him. It's a whole lot easier for me when I am with other believers or at youth group, but at home by myself is another story. Anyway, I am excited about where God has me and I know He is going to do big things. We are called to be joyful in all circumstances so my desire is to be obedient to that. I am so thankful for everything the Lord is doing. Thank you Jesus, You are awesome! I'm going to end this time of opening up to this journal, to now opening up to God on my knees in prayer. I am praying for you guys. Much love in Christ. "Praise the Lord, o my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name..." -Psalm 103:1

its 10am and ive had a wonderful morning just thinking about everything that God continually blesses me with. today when i got to my office i had two amazing ims that were so encouraging-one from someone on the jr high ski trip who kept piling on the encouragement about how awesome our youth group is and how amazing the students are...the other was from an amazing young woman of God who I had an amazing talk with Sunday. The cool thing is that God spoke to me through Paul and the passage about him becoming other people to minister to them, and God was telling me to ask questions and then i found out so much about her life and that we have some things in common so that we can minister to each other. that kind of stuff is so amazing to hear! Just got off the phone with a guy who i am buying a drum set from. looks like ill be driving to nc sometime tomorrow to pick it up. i am very excited. God has shown me that i should continue to invest my time, talent, and resources in music stuff because i think it is what he created me for. which is pretty exciting to say... anyways, im just going to keep trying to learn as much music on as many instruments as i can and use it for God's Glory. I love our youth group so much! jason and kim are amazing people to work with each day and the students are equally amazing! God has taught me so much through being here...studying His Word, learning to pray, worshipping Him, being held accountable by the students, encouraging and being encouraged-all confirmation that God is at work! Praise Him for everything! I love all of you so much! You are awesome friends! Oh yeah, and the ski trip was a blast. 1st Timer Sanders to top of mtn, napolean dynomite, spencer leading us in quiet songs, speed hide and go seek on charter bus, wendy's, real snow flurries, frostbite... Thank You Lord.

God-Thank You so much for the gift of encouragement. Whether giving or receiving it, it's simply amazing. You bless us so much through it. A cool thought about encouragement-at the very time that we feel so desperate to receive encouragement, we should go out and give it. If we would just step back and stop focusing on ourselves and start focusing on others and give whenever we want to receive...wow, then you really start to see God at work! Father, help me to want to encourage others rather than just want to be encouraged. You guys are awesome and I love you all so much! You encourage me every day, and maybe this will encourage you. God bless!

God is awesome! He again revealed to me how much He uses us when we are truly willing to listen to people. Often we worry about trying to say the right things when maybe all God wants us to do is listen and pray for them. Praise God for an amazing time of listening and prayer today which brought me to tears in bearing another's burden with them. Thank you Jesus. I love You!

Thanks for wanting to help anyways, the flyer is complete! Love you guys.

Hey, if anyone is in lab at school and reads this message this morning, and you've been to Fall Retreat before, I need a one sentence quote from you about fall retreat to use on our send out promotional flyer. Reply to this post ASAP. I think my only hope is kathryn and morgan b/c they get online at school, but anyone please...

I love God! He blessed me today with some awesome conversations and no cavaties! Speaking of the dentist, Ben and Camille are expecting a baby in 6 days!! Please keep them in your prayers and give them a call and encourage them if you get a chance. I love encouraging! How cool is it that God totally uses our acts to encourage others as encouragement to ourselves. I love it! I had an amazing weekend-staying at my friend's new house in Clemson, seeing my college roomates, hanging with Natalie and Kelly, being a first hand witness of the miracle in death valley, camping by myself in the Jeep at Table Rock, NC, and staying up until 3:00am last night talking with Steve about life and faith. Then God blessed me with the energy to get up early and it's been kicking all day.

I love this verse - "For from HIM and through HIM and to HIM are all things. To HIM be the glory forever! Amen." -Romans 11:36 <><

Praise God for David Crowder!

Praise God for the rainy days...they do something to my soul that I cannot explain. As God opens the sky and lets it rain, he also opens my heart and lets it pour out. With the lights dim in my office, rain taps on my window, and Shawn sings about tasting of a love so high that it stops all his time and deep that it blows his mind...God You are sweet, Jesus You are sweet...After another amazing time of fellowship in The Word this morning at Greenfield's I am left in awe of the faith you guys have in Christ. I get so excited when I drive out of that parking lot Thursday mornings when you guys head to school with a heart set on the Lord! It brings me joy. I just finished reading all of the lj postings from last night, and as usual was so encouraged and wanted to cry. I then opened my Bible and God led me to Colossians 1 and I think it is an amazing passage for our youth group.

We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints(everyone in our youth group)-the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you. All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace in all its truth. You learned it from Epaphras(Jason), our dear fellow servant, who is a faithful minister of Christ on our behalf, and who also told us of your love in the Spirit.
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spriritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the KINGDOM OF THE SON HE LOVES, IN WHO WE HAVE REDEMPTION, THE FORGIVENESS OF SINS.

God, Your Spirit is like water to my soul, like rain falling on a dry and desolate land, Jesus I love you, I love You!

One more thing before I spend time sitting here in God's presence. Kim, I am so sorry for last night. I just felt awful after our conversation and my heart began to hurt. I think Satan was just trying to distract us and keep us from loving each other and worshipping Him. My heart really hurt for you and I wanted to say something or doing something to make it better, but I couldn't. I love you so much as a sister. You are such an encouragement and an example as a humble servant. Forgive me for my selfish thoughts and actions. God is good though, and despite Satan's attempt, the Lord was worshipped and exalted last night. Praise God! Bottom line Kim, I love you and know that God will continue to build our friendship as partners in the gospel, and that makes me smile. Thank you for your kind words. I am so thankful that God decided to bring you, Jason, and I together. Thank You Father for all Your blessings...

Today I feel worn out. I've been going non stop for the last few days and not getting much sleep and now I'm starting to feel sick again. I'm pretty sure that it's God telling me that I need to slow down for a bit and chill with Him. Even in my feeling of physical distress, I want to Praise God for everything He continues to bless me with. Sometimes I'm just so pumped about everything He's doing that I don't let myself miss out on anything and just wear myself thin. Thank You Jesus that You are my strength when I am weak.

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give ME a spirit of unity among YOU all as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth I/WE may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. -a prayer from Romans 15:5-6

Last night the Lord blessed me with another glimpse of true beauty that comes from Christ in two awesome Godly girls. Praise God for the women of God in my life. If God does want me to marry, I pray that I could share my life with an awesome woman of God like the ones I know. They are truly an encouragement to my faith...even in the little silly things.

I love all of you guys more than you will ever know.

May the God of hope fill ME with all joy and peace as I trust in Him, so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. -a prayer from Romans 15:13

Praise Jesus for an amazing morning spent with Him. It was so hard to get up this morning when I thought about myself and my lack of sleep, but then I realized that I was waking up for God and not for myself. Man that changes everything...and of course God totally blessed me this morning with the Bible study. It was so cool seeing people from different schools, a visitor who was just a friend, and even someone who is already done with high school come together around a table to talk, pray, and read God's Word together. I absolutely loved it! Even the sesame seed bagel lightly browned with thick rich cream cheese was a gift from God. I was so pumped that we were all there getting focused on the Lord so that we could be sent out to totally different places to serve, honor, and glorify Him! I thank God for providing such amazing brothers and sisters in Christ... :) ... This morning we were molded by God through Romans 12. My prayer is that I will offer my body as a living sacrifice to God and that I would worship Him with every ounce of me. Father please give me a heart which does not desire to conform to the world and transform me through the renewing of my mind. Let me fill my mind and heart with Your Word. Continue to lead me to use my gift of encouragement. I desire to serve You with it so that You may be glorified. Fill me with Your love so that it may overflow out of my life and into others'. May I be joyful in hope in Christ, patient in affliction because of my focus on You, and faithful in prayer. My knees are too tender God and my feet are calloused. Give me a thirst for prayer. Show me what it means to practice true hospitality. Lead me to a life of harmony with others. Praise You Father that you will avenge my enemies. Thank You Jesus for everything. You're amazing...

I rose early and saw The Son, Jesus Christ...

Yesterday was absolutely amazing! God opened my eyes back up to the fact that He gave me the gift of encouraging. And when I use it, God blesses others as well as myself. So yesterday I wrote a bunch of stuff on lj, a really cool letter to the bride's family in Arkansas, and then talked to my grandmother. Then on the way home I was listening to Shawn Mcdonald and starting crying singing the chorus "I don't want to fall away from You." It was amazing, I was singing with all my heart because it was overflowing with love from the Lord. Then I stopped by Micheal's house because I felt that God wanted me to, and had an awesome encouraging talk with him. God is good! I ended up spending last night with my grandmother (she lives at my parents house in Simpsonville - but my parents are out of town for the week) to keep her company and encourage her, and it was awesome. It started out kind of wierd, because I was out of my comfort zone, but then we talked, played triominos, and watched the Olympics. It was such a blessing! She even said that we should hang out more often. :) Beach volleyball last night was also really cool. It was pretty intense and then the Americans won gold. I was waiting to see how the American's would react to their win (in humility, pride, giving glory to God or themselves etc.). Right after the match Walsh was interviewed and spent two minutes talking about her partner being the best in the world and how honored she is to play with her. All that was after a whole broadcast of the announcers saying that she was the number one player in the world! Walsh then hugged one of the Brazilian's with the most loving embrace with tears and kind words for an extended period of time. Then at the flag ceremony Walsh was bursting with Joy as the flag was being raised and could not stop smiling and tapping her heart in a giddy manner. It was breathtaking! I'm not sure if Walsh is a believer, but she definitely had portrayed some of the attributes of Christ last night. Praise God! I love how we can see God in everything as long as we are looking. This morning God led me to read Romans 12 which talks specifically about gifts and even talks about the specific gift of encouragement. How crazy is that? God thank You for everything You do in my life. I love You!

By the way, my user name is upside down kingdom, b/c God has shown me that the world is completely opposite of the kingdom God has for us. The world tells us to build ourselves up, be successful, drive a nice car, buy a big house, marry a physically attractive person, and to honor and glorify ourselves. I'm not sure if you've realized this or not but that is exactly the opposite of what God's kingdom looks like. The Lord calls us to humble ourselves, to love one another, to be a servant, store our treasure in Heaven, and to Honor and glorify Christ with our lives. Praise God that He allowed me to see and removed the scales from my eyes. Because I am young in my faith I know that I have only scratched the surface and am excited about seeing more of His Glory and His Kingdom. Thank you Jesus for everything! You are my everything!

Wow, I am just starting to figure out how to use this whole live journal thing and it is amazing. Actually, it's just that God is amazing and when I can read about what He is doing in other people's lives I get moved to tears with excitement and love. OK, so here's my goal with this lj thing - I want to be vulnerable and truly share what God is doing in my life on a regular basis so that I can be built up by the body of Christ and see how magnificent Jesus really is. I can't describe how much of a blessing it is to read people's ljs when they are really being real...and on top of that being real while still giving all the glory to the Lord. I'm not sure where to start...This weekend I went to my college roomate's wedding in Arkansas and it was a ton of fun. 12 hour roadtrip with three stops-Clemson (to pick up my roomate Adam Hogan), Atlanta (to pick up my other roomate Adam Brown who drove up from Jacksonville), and Bryant, Arkansas (where Emily, Dave's wife, is from). God is good! He definitely reminded me how much He can use music that glorifies Himself in people's lives. I constantly think about the whole CD thing and what to do, but God popped me in the back of the head again and showed me that it's not about me, it's about Him. The Lord definitely spoke to my old roomates through CDs that glorify Him on the roadtrip. Paul Wright, Shawn Mcdonald, Shane and Shane, David Crowder, Bebo Norman...so many blessed musicians that choose to honor Christ with their music! Man what a blessing it is to Worship with them. Then when one of my roomates would pop in some old rap CD that we used to listen to all the time, we would experience the whole light colliding with the dark thing. God is the man! ...naturally...or spiritually...whatever, God is amazing. Praise God for the Holy Spirit that was at work in the car. God revealed to me that He definitely blesses families who make a decision to Honor Him. God was very evident in their house and the love in that family was definitely an overflow of Christ's love for us. I did not see any TV's the whole time we were there so we just played games like spoons, mafia, fact or fiction, balderdash, etc. God blessed that so much because the relationships built as a result were so much stronger. God showed me once again that the things of this world are simply distractions. Amazing.

I would definitely love to be married. It was so beautiful to see Dave and Emily honoring the Lord through their commitment to each other. As much as I want that for myself right now, God has shown me that I must be content serving Him with or without a partner. God could very well intend for me to serve as Paul did and I pray that I would Worship and serve Him despite my circumstances.

I found out that a friend that had been hanging out at my house a lot this summer has a crush on me. The cool thing about it is that I'm telling you not to brag but as a testimony to Christ. This summer my roomates and I were able to hang out with her and build her up in her faith and watch her grow closer to the Lord than she has ever been before. What God revealed to me is that her crush has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Christ. What she sees in me that's I guess attractive is the Lord. It has nothing to do with me. Then I thought, that's exactly what I want to define attractive in a woman. How does this make sense if we all have Christ living inside of us once we accept Him? Well, it's how much of Christ that we allow people to see in our lives. That whole thing about becoming less so that He may become more. Basically, we have to get out of the way so that Christ can be seen. Praise God that He is working in my life in a way that people can see Him through me! I will continue to encourage this sister in Christ and hope to watch her realize her true crush - my true love - Jesus Christ.

I thought about all you guys who started back up at school. My heart goes out to you guys because I know how tough it is to represent Christ in that environment. I will continue to pray for all of you and would love to talk if you want to call me.